Deal Breakers

deal breakers

This post was inspired by a tweet I read a while back about a guy who couldn’t stand one of his wife’s habits. I can’t quite remember what the actual issue was but he put it in such a funny way that he had even considered divorce for this pet peeve. I couldn’t get past his pettiness. I was thoroughly tickled but then again aren’t we all petty? So I decided to compile a list with the help of KOT. Everyone has their preferences. You might disagree with some of them but hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Here we go:

  1. Leaving drops of pee on the toilet seat and floor
  2. Squeezing toothpaste in the middle of the tube
  3. Likes pineapples on pizza
    pineapple on pizza
  4. Hates avocados
  5. Guys of “Wacha nipike halafu nikuje'”
  6. Guys who can’t handle their alcohol (get it together man)
  7. Guys with micro aggressions who take out their insecurities on other people
  8. Guys who invite themselves to your house asking, “Unanipikia lini?”(How about on the 13th of Never?)
  9. People who tell a lot of sob stories
  10. People who talk loudly and endlessly at other people
  11. “I like chics with dreadlocks” (that’s a lot of women, cabrón)
  12. Chronic lateness, wasting everybody’s time. Zero concept of time management.
  13. Making dates and never honouring them, sending half-assed apologies eons later.
  14. Using wrong glasses for drinks
  15. Using Calibri (pettiest I’ve seen)
  16. Crying after sex
  17. People who hate animated movies
  18. Guys who are easily emasculated
  19. People who cannot use proper grammar, construct proper sentences or use punctuation
  20. Clinginess
  21. Using bathroom sandals outside the house
  22. Body odour
  23. Lying
  24. Too opinionated about Jubilee, NASA and world peace
  25. Snoring
  26. Giving more priority to githeri over bread in the fridge
  27. Posting stuff on social media especially about relationships for attention
  28. Blowing nose in the sink or shower
  29. Guys wearing skinny jeans
  30. Wearing crocs in public
  31. “Mimi hutumia nduthi lakini leo nataka unilipie Uber”
  32. If she’s a man
  33. She gotta have teeth
  34. If he has a big bum, “Hatuwezi dondosa sisi sote”
  35. Emotional and illogical arguments
  36. If your friends are hoes
  37. For the guy: any girl I’m cleaner or neater than
  38. A passive aggressive man
  39. Not returning things where you found them
  40. “People who say Chumvi instead of Chumbi, what’s wrong with them?” (don’t even ask)
  41. “Uncut” men
  42. People who don’t know how to use possessive adjectives
  43. Sneezing and not saying “askies” (which means excuse me in Afrikaans)
  44. Chewing loudly, or with a open mouth
  45. Halitosis
  46. If you listen to riddimz
  47. Weaves
  48. Nail biting
  49. Living more than 20 minutes away (This isn’t practical in Nairobi, how  far away does your girlfriend live?)
  50. Eating rice without a spoon (oooookaaaay)
  51. People who don’t like pets
  52. Glasses, “I’m blind myself, can’t be having genetically predisposed Ray Charles running round, gotta think of the kids”
  53. People who hate Game of Thrones
  54. Calling cartoons and comics childish
  55. A guy that can’t cook
  56. Shy people (wait, what?)
  57. People who drag their feet while walking
  58. Miraa chewers
  59. People with zero sense of humor
  60. Bad hygiene-bad smell, dirty shoes and clothes, smoker, unkempt hair, unmoisturized body.
  61. People who make runny eggs. Or drink raw eggs.
  62. Roughly cutting tissue paper
  63. Adding sugar to cereal. (But, but, but)
  64. When someone calls to say goodnight when I am obviously having a great night. How daring.
  65. Girls who says “Nibuy-ie”quite often
  66. Long history of sponsors
  67. Too many tattoos
  68. Too much make up and drawn eyebrows
  69. Wearing official shoes with denim pants.
  70. Selfish, self centred people
  71. Guys with long nails
  72. Returning empty cartons and bottles to the fridge (oh and covering empty pots and pans after serving the last piece of meal)
  73. Leaving wet towels on bed or floor
  74. Changing radio station in my car
  75. Not human (are you kidding me?)
  76. Girls who don’t like me
  77. Sagging pants
  78. Spitting
  79. Leaving the toilet seat up
  80. Not washing hands after peeing, again, hygiene
  81. Sassy
  82. Craziness (what is this craziness y’all speak of. Maybe I just have anxiety, or it’s my personality)
  83. Doesn’t give head
  84. “Hae, Wau, Poaz”texters
  85. Men who forget leg day (Issa no from me, dawg)leg day
  86. Those pals who refuse to order at the cafê only to nibble on half your meal
  87. Picking the ear with car-keys
  88. She wears kitten heels
  89. Mixing rice with milk and calling it a meal
  90. She can’t cook chapati
  91. Patriarchal attitude
  92. He’s skinny
  93. He has a weird or old name

Did I leave anything out? Leave a comment below 😉


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