Deal Breakers

deal breakers

This post was inspired by a tweet I read a while back about a guy who couldn’t stand one of his wife’s habits. I can’t quite remember what the actual issue was but he put it in such a funny way that he had even considered divorce for this pet peeve. I couldn’t get past his pettiness. I was thoroughly tickled but then again aren’t we all petty? So I decided to compile a list with the help of KOT. Everyone has their preferences. You might disagree with some of them but hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Here we go:

  1. Leaving drops of pee on the toilet seat and floor
  2. Squeezing toothpaste in the middle of the tube
  3. Likes pineapples on pizza
    pineapple on pizza
  4. Hates avocados
    avocados
  5. Guys of “Wacha nipike halafu nikuje'”
  6. Guys who can’t handle their alcohol (get it together man)
  7. Guys with micro aggressions who take out their insecurities on other people
  8. Guys who invite themselves to your house asking, “Unanipikia lini?”(How about on the 13th of Never?)
  9. People who tell a lot of sob stories
  10. People who talk loudly and endlessly at other people
  11. “I like chics with dreadlocks” (that’s a lot of women, cabrón)
  12. Chronic lateness, wasting everybody’s time. Zero concept of time management.
  13. Making dates and never honouring them, sending half-assed apologies eons later.
  14. Using wrong glasses for drinks
  15. Using Calibri (pettiest I’ve seen)
  16. Crying after sex
  17. People who hate animated movies
  18. Guys who are easily emasculated
  19. People who cannot use proper grammar, construct proper sentences or use punctuation
    grammar
  20. Clinginess
  21. Using bathroom sandals outside the house
  22. Body odour
  23. Lying
  24. Too opinionated about Jubilee, NASA and world peace
  25. Snoring
  26. Giving more priority to githeri over bread in the fridge
  27. Posting stuff on social media especially about relationships for attention
  28. Blowing nose in the sink or shower
    photo532579621652586880
  29. Guys wearing skinny jeans
  30. Wearing crocs in public
  31. “Mimi hutumia nduthi lakini leo nataka unilipie Uber”
  32. If she’s a man
  33. She gotta have teeth
  34. If he has a big bum, “Hatuwezi dondosa sisi sote”
  35. Emotional and illogical arguments
  36. If your friends are hoes
  37. For the guy: any girl I’m cleaner or neater than
  38. A passive aggressive man
  39. Not returning things where you found them
  40. “People who say Chumvi instead of Chumbi, what’s wrong with them?” (don’t even ask)
  41. “Uncut” men
  42. People who don’t know how to use possessive adjectives
  43. Sneezing and not saying “askies” (which means excuse me in Afrikaans)
  44. Chewing loudly, or with a open mouth
  45. Halitosis
  46. If you listen to riddimz
  47. Weaves
  48. Nail biting
  49. Living more than 20 minutes away (This isn’t practical in Nairobi, how  far away does your girlfriend live?)
  50. Eating rice without a spoon (oooookaaaay)
  51. People who don’t like pets
  52. Glasses, “I’m blind myself, can’t be having genetically predisposed Ray Charles running round, gotta think of the kids”
  53. People who hate Game of Thrones
  54. Calling cartoons and comics childish
  55. A guy that can’t cook
  56. Shy people (wait, what?)
  57. People who drag their feet while walking
  58. Miraa chewers
  59. People with zero sense of humor
  60. Bad hygiene-bad smell, dirty shoes and clothes, smoker, unkempt hair, unmoisturized body.
  61. People who make runny eggs. Or drink raw eggs.
  62. Roughly cutting tissue paper
  63. Adding sugar to cereal. (But, but, but)
  64. When someone calls to say goodnight when I am obviously having a great night. How daring.
  65. Girls who says “Nibuy-ie”quite often
  66. Long history of sponsors
  67. Too many tattoos
  68. Too much make up and drawn eyebrows
  69. Wearing official shoes with denim pants.
  70. Selfish, self centred people
  71. Guys with long nails
  72. Returning empty cartons and bottles to the fridge (oh and covering empty pots and pans after serving the last piece of meal)
  73. Leaving wet towels on bed or floor
  74. Changing radio station in my car
  75. Not human (are you kidding me?)
  76. Girls who don’t like me
  77. Sagging pants
  78. Spitting
  79. Leaving the toilet seat up
  80. Not washing hands after peeing, again, hygiene
  81. Sassy
  82. Craziness (what is this craziness y’all speak of. Maybe I just have anxiety, or it’s my personality)
  83. Doesn’t give head
  84. “Hae, Wau, Poaz”texters
  85. Men who forget leg day (Issa no from me, dawg)leg day
  86. Those pals who refuse to order at the cafê only to nibble on half your meal
  87. Picking the ear with car-keys
  88. She wears kitten heels
  89. Mixing rice with milk and calling it a meal
  90. She can’t cook chapati
  91. Patriarchal attitude
  92. He’s skinny
  93. He has a weird or old name

Did I leave anything out? Leave a comment below 😉

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Be The Best of Whatever You Are

autocolante-be-different-be-you-668321

If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley — but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.

 

If you can’t be a bush, be a bit of the grass.
And some highway happier make;
If you can’t be a muskie then just be a bass —
But the liveliest bass in the lake!

 

We can’t all be captains, we’ve got to be crew.
There’s something for all of us here,
There’s big work to do, and there’s lesser to do,
And the task you must do is the near.

 

If you can’t be a highway then just be a trail,
If you can’t be the sun be a star;
It isn’t by size that you win or you fail —
Be the best of whatever you are!

Douglas Malloch

Oloolua Nature Trail 

Oloolua Nature trail is located inside the Institute of Primate Research compound, in Karen, Nairobi. It is located at the end of Karen Road, right after CEMASTEA.
If going there by bus, you can board a no. 24 that goes to Karen Hardy and alight at the junction of Karen Road and Bogani Road.

It is quite a fun place to spend a few hours if you want to take a walk and clear your mind. The air there is clean and crisp. There are many trees. It is quiet and so tranquil. There are a few benches along the trail, which provide for great spots to relax and read a book or write.

There is a camping site as well, and grounds to hold a family gathering like a wedding reception, corporate event or team building sessions. The charges are quite pocket friendly.

The things to check out for in the nature trail include the eagle hide, waterfall, swamp, and the cave.

At the entrance there is a map that gives one a general idea of what the place looks like. But I feel like it is very hard to follow the map and that it should be redrawn and made more precise.

Overall, this is a good place to spend few hours especially for an introvert like me. The guards there and very friendly. If you like the outdoors I guarantee you will like this place.

Travel Therapy

travel

I never liked travelling as a child. I would nurse headaches after every trip and I would be so cranky afterwards. I do not mind road trips now. Provided I have a vehicle, and someone to drive it. In the recent past, I have had these episodes when all I would think about is how much I want to get away, but my dislike for travelling got in the way.

Last month, I was overcome by a severe case of wanderlust. It was happening. I decided to stop wishing and start doing. So I packed up my blues, and took the next bus to the farthest place possible. I took this trip with the sole purpose of losing bad memories of recent occurrences somewhere along the way. I needed to feed my mind with positivity and inspiration, even if it meant a frantic pursuit.

There’s something therapeutic about travelling. I cannot quite tell you what it is. Probably it’s the fact that you go out of your routine for starters, and your comfort zone. Be it waking up at ungodly hours to catch a flight, or a bus. Experiencing new weather, a different culture, trying to speak another language, or trying out different cuisines. The excitement of a new adventure. For me it was something as simple as delighting in taking cold showers, because it was too hot in the city. I think a different experience, however small, always helps one puts things in perspective.

As I travelled back home, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was happy and sad. Anxious but also nonchalant. I wondered why I wasn’t as excited as the first day of my trip. Had I healed?

The most important thing was the lesson I learnt. Life will hand you different things everyday. The world will break your heart fifty ways to Sunday. What matters is how you deal with it, because you have to keep moving forward or else you will lose your balance. Do not fight the misery so hard, or you will keep circling the drain. Instead, let the pain ferment and season you. Learn from the experience;

What You Have Become

Image credits:

At our first meet, we toy with this idea that you are a mistake. Or rather, that is what you will turn into in the future. It is funny, now. I have no care in the world. I want to be reckless. I want to, live a little. I convince myself that life is all about making mistakes. People who do not make mistakes seldom learn anything. And so I think, why stop here? Let’s take it farther because we are YOUNG! We have our whole lives ahead of us.

Carefree woman
Carefree woman

You will keep saying “I’m ready for this. I think I am definitely ready for another one.” I won’t know that this other one actually meant a simultaneous other one, not preceding. You will echo this just enough times until you plant it in my head, it will flourish! Everything will happen your way, because I will finally believe you. In you. I will trust you so much that I’ll even take this and make it mine too, and I’ll ask whether you actually want to try this with me, forgetting that it was you who brought this up in the first place. That’s just about how deep I’ll have fallen for your lies. It will thrill you so much that you will say it feels surreal.

Betrayal
Betrayal

You lied, and even though I could look I decided not to see. I just shut my eyes. As much as I hated your lies I was busy feeling other things. Things that clouded my judgement, and logic. How I hate to be illogical.

So I decide to never mention what I feel. What I really feel. Where is the sense in that? I still feel it, deeper, with every lie. The more I fight it, the more it lingers on, because what you resist persists. And I hate myself for this persistence. Because of who you are now. Who you will ever be. Not forgotten. A bad memory. Congratulations;

Image credit

Coping with a Breakup as an Anxious and Depressive Person

tears

Let me start by saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with suffering from depression, or anxiety. Just because you are a little special, special because your brain is more active than “normal” guys (whoever they are. Normal is overrated). When you have a mood or a personality disorder, dealing with disappointments and rejection could be really challenging, at first, or all the time.

Researchers say emotional pain is worse and lasts longer than physical pain. Many depressed people are also highly sensitive. So when someone betrays you, the kind of pain you feel is intensely magnified like this tiny hurt is placed under an electron microscope. The pain you feel is worse than losing both limbs in an explosion, then getting your nails pulled out, one after another using a pliers. If you feel or have ever felt like this, you are not alone.

Here are some of the ways you can get through it.

  1. Do all the freaky batshit crazy stuff that comes to your very imaginative head. Or at least some. You don’t want to do something just because you want to end up on National Television, or on the radio. Or worse still, on the front page of the dailies. Do it because you are doing it for YOU, for your sanity, whatever that is. This small ritual will help you feel a little better afterwards. I cannot promise you it will be 100% effective, but it will be the beginning of a healing process.
  2. Talk to people. They say a problem half shared is half solved right? Of course your pals, therapists or audience will not give you solutions but talking about what you’re going through will definitely help. So talk to a friend, a stranger, a wall, your dog (cats aren’t good listeners).
  3. Journal. Writing down helps a whole lot. This will help you let out things you didn’t even know you felt or thought. You will be amazed about the VOICE a pen and paper will give you. This is also for things you don’t want to say out loud, but you still want to air. Make it dramatic, draw what you feel if that’s the best way you can express yourself. Write down your moods every single day. Your highs and lows. Try figure out what sets certain feelings off. Writing could be hard at first but you will notice that it makes you feel better with time. Or at least you will know what your progress is.writing
  4. EXERCISE! Work out your aggression. Listen to pumped up music while you are at it! Make sure you sweat more than three pigs sitting in a steam bath. This will help calm your nerves, promise. It will help keep anxiety on the low and you will get some sleep at night. 🙂
  5. Get a new hobby. Or just do something you like to do and make sure you have fun while you are at it. This will help keep your individuality and you will remember to love yourself again. Staying inactive will unearth thoughts that will make you want to buy amnesia at a drug store, so you don’t remember whatever happened. Go out, get some sunshine. If you like being indoors, get a pet. When you take care of it, you will be taking care of yourself too because you will have to get up on both feet. Wallowing in bed or staying in a horizontal position is the best way to plunge right back into depression.
  6. Don’t ignore your emotions. Cry if you want to, you are not a log of wood. Buy a screaming box (I can’t tell you where to get one of those though). Step into your closet and scream your lungs out. Bottling up your emotions will only result in more mental breakdown.2370375218_36a889afe2_z
  7. Get professional help. It’s not mandatory but it is important to know when you might need it. Do not hurt yourself.

Most of all, just remember that when you find yourself in this kind of situation, it is not the end of the world. Treat it like a mental project and make sure to pass the test. Remember you have a higher purpose in life. You are not a victim. Remember that even if you have hit rock bottom, the best things about it is that you cannot possibly go any lower. The only other movement is upwards, and your spirits will get higher and it will be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, then it’s not the end;

No One is Getting Out Alive

sad-clown

I always think about my death. Of how people will react to the news of my death. And the first thing they will say when they get the news about my death. I never think about what will be said at my funeral though. Because to be honest, I don’t think I have met the person who will eulogize me properly, well except for my parents, who I never talk to that much. (Like when I’m on phone with my mum, we talk about what we’re eating, or what we ate, or if we intend to eat at all. Basically, we talk about food. And the weather. When I’m on phone with my father, I ask how he is – he always says he’s fine, by the way – and then I ask about the weather and then that’s it.) I think about how I will look like, dead. But that doesn’t bemuse me. I like to imagine my mother will be at my funeral, because I cannot handle, or fathom having it the other way round – I think a lot, don’t I?

Sometimes, this scares me. Other times, I want to die! I want to die, because I’m so afraid of dealing with life. I want to die because sometimes I think that the absence my death will cause, will copiously punish those who have wronged me. But then again I imagine they will probably not give a hoot, like I will have done them a favor. I just want to die, so much so, that I want to live. Because I think of what a shame it would be to die, not having have lived. Not having tried to do something with my life.

I want to live. So much, because I know one day I will be someone. Someone whom – the people I want to punish with my death – will look at and be ashamed of their deeds. I want to shame them with my life and existence.

I want to be fearless. To deal with all the things that put me down on the days I want to punish people. All in all, it doesn’t matter who you are, what you do, how much you have. I don’t think there’s anyone else who will experience a coronation or assumption in their death. Thus, be kind. Be thoughtful. Be daring, but civil. But most of all, live;

Insane rulers: Emperor Nero

Bust of Emperor Nero
Bust of Emperor Nero

Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, became Rome’s Emperor at the age of 17, following the death of his great uncle Claudius who had adopted him. Nero had a stepbrother – Claudius’ son – Britannicus. But at the death of Claudius, Britannicus was a minor thus making Nero the heir to the throne. In 64 AD, most of Rome was destroyed in a fire, which many Romans believed Nero himself had started in order to clear land for his planned palatial complex, the Domus Aurea, which is Latin for Golden House.

Domus Aurea
Ruins of Domus Aurea

In 53, Nero married his stepsister Claudia Octavia, but if you think that’s outrageous, below are some of the other despicable things that Nero did:

  1. He was a persecutor of Christians. He had them captured, dipped in oil, and set on fire in his garden at night to serve as a source of light.
  2. He killed his stepbrother. Here’s what instigated it. In 55, Nero was dissatisfied in his marriage to Claudia Octavia, so he entered into an affair with a former slave Claudia Acte. This did not sit well with Nero’s mother Agrippina but her intervention in Nero’s personal affairs was unsuccessful. Agrippina reportedly began pushing for Britannicus to become emperor in the hope that he would be seen as the true heir to the throne by the state over Nero, since Britannicus was the blood son of Claudius. Of course Nero wasn’t going to just sit and watch himself get dethroned, he enlisted the services of a woman (Locusta) who specialized in the manufacture of poisons. She devised a mixture to kill Britannicus, but after testing it unsuccessfully on a slave, Nero angrily threatened to have her put to death if she did not come up with something usable. Locusta then devised a new concoction that she promised would “kill swifter than a viper”.
  3. Nero became romantically involved with his friend’s wife. His friend would have been the future emperor, Otho. Because a marriage to his new lover and a divorce from his current wife did not seem politically feasible with Agrippina alive, Nero ordered the murder of his mother.
  4. Nero divorced and banished his wife Octavia, on grounds of infertility, leaving him free to marry his pregnant lover Poppaea. After public protests, Nero was forced to allow Octavia to return from exile, but she was executed shortly after her return.
  5. Nero also was reported to have kicked Poppaea to death before she could have his second child.
  6. After the death of his wife Poppaea, Nero married Statilia Messalina. Before they (Nero and Statilia) got married, Statilia was Nero’s mistress. Nero had Statilia’s husband be driven to suicide so he could marry her.
  7. Nero ordered a young freedman, Sporus, to be castrated and then married him. All this was simply because, Sporus bore an uncanny resemblance to Nero’s deceased wife Poppaea. Nero even called him by his dead wife’s name.
  8. He held parties/orgies that lasted for days behind closed doors. His guests were not allowed to leave until the orgies were over.

Nero died on 9 June 68, following numerous political woes. It was dramatic. He wanted to commit suicide, but he could not bring himself to take his own life. So he compelled his private secretary to perform the task.

Sources: Nero

Travelling with your pet

dog-travel-3

Sometimes it becomes necessary to travel with your dog when there is nobody at home to leave it with. Maybe you want to travel for a few days and want to avoid separation anxiety because let’s face it; your pet is like your child, and a pet day-care could be quite expensive. Here are pointers as to what you should consider when you want to leave town for a few days, say to go for a vacation, and you can’t leave your pet behind.

Carrier – You will need a carrier for your pet to sit in to control its movement especially if it is not used to sitting still in a car. It is also safer for both you and your dog since you will avoid distractions. Pet carriers can be expensive with the cheapest one, a small carrier for cats, going for approximately Kshs. 4,000/- If you cannot afford a carrier you could always improvise. Get a sizeable carton box, drill holes on it, and spread old newspapers in it. 

Feeding – it’s not advisable to feed your pet when travelling because a full stomach will be uncomfortable and you run the risk of the dog throwing up in the car. If you have to, feed the dog at least 4 hours prior to embarking on the journey. You can give it water throughout and up to the point of travel though.

 Ventilation – Dogs are very sensitive and need fresh air when travelling. They tend to sweat a lot and you will notice that they will move towards the window or climb on top of seats seeking air. Ensure that your car and dog carrier are both well ventilated to prevent the dog from getting road sick and throwing up. If you don’t have a station wagon or a window at the boot, your dog will have to travel on the car seat.

Breaks – If you are going on a long journey, it’s advisable to make stopovers to walk your dog or let him run around to burn off excess energy. Ensure you bring some accessories along like the dog collar and leash to keep him from running away from you. Don’t leave your dog in a parked car since extreme heat or cold could be dangerous. Leave the window slightly open if you must leave him behind.

License – Last but not least, you need to have a dog license. This is issued by Nairobi City Council. It only costs 500/= shillings a year and is basically a license to certify that your dog has received all the required vaccination. This is good for you the pet owner because you avoid having your dog impounded. It will also ensure the general health of the dog and hence a relaxed time for both of you.

Grooming – Make sure your dog is well groomed prior to travel. You need to wash it on the day of travel so it is clean and pest free for your peace of mind as well as for its own comfort.

Upon arrival, take a long walk with the dog so that he can smell and familiarize with the new surroundings

Signs that your dog is sick.

Dog with headache

 

 

One of my puppies died last year barely three weeks after being born. She was sick but I did not notice until we traveled to my parents’ for Christmas. Dogs are like children, we care so much about them yet we cannot talk to them or know when they are sick. But you as the pet owner might notice that they are not being their regular selves. So their behavioral change will communicate what they cannot say in words.

 Here are a few signs to check out for to help you know your dog’s well being.

  1. Eating habits – Dogs generally have a hearty appetite unless they have been eating and are full, so that would explain why they would not be interested in more food. If your dog has no appetite and has skipped a couple of meals especially if it’s his favorite meal, you need to consult your vet. Ensure that food served to your dog is not so cold or hot. If it is a meal you have prepared yourself, e.g. dog rice, ensure that it has been well cooked to eliminate this as a reason your dog is not interested in the food.
  2. Energy Levels and decreased activity – Dogs are meant to be generally playful and full of energy. If your dog is not playful or seems lethargic, it’s a sign something is wrong.
  3. Vomiting – This can be a bit confusing because your dog may vomit yet it is perfectly healthy. If your dog eats well, has no signs of lethargy but vomits induced by eating leaves or grass, that is not a bad sign at all. You should consult a vet if your dog has trouble eating and vomits anything ingested. That goes for water too. If your dog has bloody vomit that is a sign of gastrointestinal illnesses so it is advisable to contact your vet as soon as possible.
  4. Diarrhea – This is generally not a good sign. It either means your dog consumed food that has gone bad or has an infection. To avoid this, ensure that your compound is clean and your dog has clean toys to play with. Pieces of plastic and clothing can be harmful to your dog. Bloody poop or diarrhea could be a sign of parasitic infections.
  5. Changes in weight – Weight loss is also a sign of illness, more so if your dog still has its meals as usual.
  6. Shedding of fur – It is normal for a dog to lose a coat of fur but a new coat should grow back in a healthy manner. If your dog is losing so much fur and its itching and the skin has red coloration this could be a sign of fungal or yeast infection.

Other signs also include urinating less or more frequently and excessive thirst could be a sign of diabetes. Yes, dogs do get diabetes. Coughing may be a sign of lung disease, so when your dog has chronic cough, do not ignore. Consult your vet.

 There you have it. Now you know what to look out for if you suspect your dog is sick. Looking out for the signs is not enough always remember to take your dog to the vet regularly for check-ups.